If You Want Different Results, You Must Do Something Different

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There are lots of people who want different results.

There are not a lot of people who are willing to change.

The military strategist Lau Tzu said, "you may end up where you are heading"—if you aren't willing to change your direction. Or, as Tolstoy wrote more directly, "Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself."

Life is a complex-always-changing-on-the-move struggle. To survive in it, let alone thrive in it, one must be able to advance. To stay the same is to foolishly sit idle.

On my childhood refrigerator was a quote cut out of a newspaper that Mom placed on the fridge sometime around the start of High School. It remained there for several years, converting from a cut-out piece of paper to a clear and profound reminder about life.

"If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got."

— Anonymous

I think a lot about that quote this time of year.

Most of us say we want to change: our diet, our exercise habits, our reading habits, our routines, our behavior within relationships (or our phone), our commitment to what we prioritize, what we place our attention on, our work habits.

And there's no doubt that the desire to change is primarily authentic.

But will we really change?

Will we do more than desire change? And do what it takes to create change?

Perhaps what's missing, what we've failed to realize or come to terms with, is not the question of whether we have what it takes to change.

So often in life, when we think of improvement and progression, we immediately think of all the things we should be doing more of, the discipline we need to cultivate, and the willpower we need to finally, have in our lives.

Yet, has any of that ever worked before? Haven't we tried that strategy many times, only to see it burn us out or leave us feeling incapable of "getting it right?"

What we need comes down to one word: courage.

Courage to move forward. Courage to cut the stuff in our way out. Courage to get uncomfortable. Courage to finally hold ourselves accountable for living in mediocrity.

"How long are you going to wait before you demand the best for yourself."

— Epictetus

Those words written by Epictetus were not just lectures or philosophy. Those words were as much a reminder to himself: What are you waiting for? What's it going to take?

As you head into 2023 (and beyond), think about the parts of your life that need more courage.

No, it won't be easy. Change never is.

And that is why so many people stay stuck, lose out on their New Year's resolutions by February, give up on big goals, and never lose those pesky 20 lbs they've been talking about shedding for five years.

And, most likely, if you're reading this, you've struggled with this in the past. Because, well, we all have.

I've talked about those 20 lbs in my life for five years. I've committed to habits for stretches, then fell "off the wagon." I've spent months exercising 4-5 days a week and months exercising 1-2 days a week.

Life gets a hold of us sometimes.

But the pursuit of progress requires us to continue moving forward, never giving up, and, most of all, tap into the courage we need to make the change.

So how do you cultivate the change necessary to impact your life? Here are some thoughts:

[1] Get crystal clear on who you want to be. Developing great habits obviously plays a large role in transformation. But take it a step further.

"Good habits can make rational sense, writes habits expert James Clear, "but if they conflict with your identity, you'll fail to put them into action."

Aim for total clarity on who you want to be. Then, reverse engineer those habits into your life.

Try this question as you go into 2023:

What would (the type of person you want to be) do in this situation?

Examples:

What would someone who is fit and maintaining a healthy weight eat for this meal?

What would someone who is financially responsible and building wealth decide on this financial decision?

How would a calm, wise, rational decision-maker think about this situation?

You might find that pursuing the identity you desire is far more helpful than a list of habits that probably were inspired by someone else in very different circumstances than you.

[2] Be your own boss. Nobody is coming to save you. If you want to change or develop from within, you must hold yourself accountable, look inward, and be your own boss.

This is why high performers track personal habits like calories, workouts, and daily habits. Is it tedious? Sure. But it holds them to a standard necessary for change.

Entrepreneurs track their businesses. If they didn't, they wouldn't be in business for long.

So there's not much difference between tracking calories if you want to lose weight, how often you write if you want to be a writer, or mindfully tracking your bad habits.

"You can't manage what you don't measure."  

— Peter Drucker

[3] Stop making excuses. Benjamin Franklin very directly said, "He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else." That might be a bit harsh, but excuses are like any bad habit—once you accept them, it gets easier to allow.

Instead, be honest about why you aren't succeeding with your habit. It won't make it less disappointing, but it keeps you accountable.

And, more often than not, it points out where something must change or needs eliminating to help aid you in your progress, not hold you back.

If you're struggling to exercise in the afternoons, it doesn't mean you're lazy or have no willpower. It's probably more likely you either a) don't get enough sleep at night (which leads to other questions) or b) need a better time of the day to get a sweat in.

[4] Stop expecting perfection. "I'll start Monday." "I'll start once we get through this." "Well, once I (blank), then I'll really get disciplined." 

You will never reach the perfect moment to start making the progress you want. So aim for improvement (not perfection) despite the perceived obstacle.

Remember: your goal isn't to build Rome overnight. Your goal is to progress over time.

[5] Never miss twice. Try implementing the 2-Day rule, which focuses on not missing more than once. This subtle little mental trick will help you make significant progress toward any goal without having to be perfect.

I hope 2023 is your best year ever!

I hope you find more progress toward your goals, joy and happiness, and meaning than ever before.

Happy New Year!