You Don't Need More Time, You Need to Decide What Matters

It’s impossible to live a deeply abundant life without learning when to say ‘no’.

Early in his career, Matthew McConaughey received a phone call from his film production company. In mid-reach, to pick up his phone, he paused. “Why would your hand pause to pick up the phone from people you pay salaries to, from people you like, from an office you pay,” McConaughey told Ryan Holiday on The Daily Stoic Podcast, “it’s your production company.”

What McConaughey did next requires an energy we all need to channel sometimes in life, “As soon as it quit ringing I picked it up and called my lawyer and said, ‘shut down the production company, shut down the music label.’

I’m making B’s in five things. I want to make A’s in 3 things.”

Do less. Better.

An approach to life that seems so simple, so easy to execute.

Then, you look up 3 months down the line and you’ve overcommitted yourself, stacked your calendar, and now feel the pressure of it all sitting on top of your shoulders. Stressed. Frustrated. Agitated. Unclear about the true direction of your life.

And you think to yourself, ‘I need more time.’

But just as we know 2+2=4, we know that more time isn’t an option.

In his memoir Greenlights, McConaughey writes this about his decision to scale back his focus to his acting, foundation, and family:

“Simplify, focus, conserve to liberate.”

The Art of Focus

The true meaning of focus goes beyond concentration.

In our overstimulated lives filled with endless choices, focus becomes the superpower we need to improve our lives. 

Former Apple Chief Design Officer, Jony Ive who worked for Steve Jobs said, Jobs would ask often, “How many things have you said ‘no’ to?”

A question worth asking in our own lives.

“What focus means is saying ‘no’ to something you with every bone in your body you think is a phenomenal idea,” said Ive, “and you wake up thinking about it but you say no to it because you’re focused on something else.”

Focus by subtraction. Focus by choice. Focus by taking charge of the situation.

Lack of focus leads to a shallow life, draining your bandwidth and stealing your clarity. The world is pulling at you every minute of the day. We live with an overarching sense that we are missing something, somewhere, and need to keep up.

This is only true if you desire a shallow life. Chronic stress. And if you see clarity as your enemy, rather than a guiding force in your life.

“If you seek tranquility, do less,” wrote Marcus Aurelius, “Which brings a double satisfaction, to do less, better.” 

Deciding what actions to take throughout your day takes intentional decision-making. Tough choices, inconvenient choices. Letting go of what isn’t as important, for what’s most important.

Every Spring NFL executives around the league have to make difficult decisions about their roster. Salaries that are no longer justified, emerging talent that needs to be paid before hitting free agency, and deciding what’s best within the constraints of the salary cap.

We have an ‘opportunity cap’ in life. We can’t possibly do it all. Experience it all. Be everywhere. Accept all invitations. 

Not if we want a life of clarity. Not if we want deeply rich moments. Not if we want memorable and worthwhile experiences with those that matter most. 

Your most beautiful life won’t be found scrolling Instagram or accepting every invite or never turning down an opportunity–even if it seems right. It can’t be scheduled or added to a to-do list. And you won’t find it signing yourself up for another obligation that you can barely fulfill.

Abundance, clarity, and the pursuit of a deeper, more meaningful life require you to gain mastery over one skill:

The Art of Saying ‘No.’

Not because you want to or that the thing you are saying ‘no’ to isn’t attractive or even worth your time.

But opportunity and choices are everywhere in our modern world. Determining which ones are merely distractions is a daily dilemma. Knowing where to slow down is critical.

It was much easier a century ago to sit and find peace of mind in the comfort of your home or front porch. Life was slow and was conducive to seeing what was right in front of you.

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life,” wrote Henry David Thoreau in Walden (1854), “and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.”

Beautiful.

But most of us probably aren’t moving to the woods anytime soon.

Still, it doesn’t mean you can’t seek a more deliberate life, seek more clarity, find more essentialism, and true discovery. It’s available even in our dopamine-digital-speed-of-light world. But it takes work. Commitment.

You have to be willing to be decisive, strong, unpopular, and perhaps weird, and not worry too much about what the world thinks of your decisions.

As author and father, Austin Kleon once advised a young author, “Work. Family. Scene. Pick 2.”

If you’re in your 20s, perhaps this advice seems too extreme. After all, you assume you have more time. And saying ‘yes’ to more opportunities in your career now can potentially pay off later.

As Sahil Bloom writes, “In your 20s, say yes to everything. It expands your luck surface area and lets you explore new arenas.”

I think that’s sound advice.

But as you age, it becomes critical to be more selective. 

At 41, my ‘focus’ on what I want in life, want to pursue with my time and energy, and with whom I want to spend my time is pretty clear.

It’s deep. Not wide.

Abundance to me means living in flow with my daily routine and habits—pursuing goals backed by purpose. And wasting less time on things I don’t want to do or scenes I don’t care about missing out on so that I can double down that energy on those I do.

Do you want a shallow life or a deep life?

Now, more than ever, in the age of 24/7 news and social media drips, you have to decide. And it’s not just apps on your phone. It’s responsibilities. Invites. An inbox.

You’re going to be confronted whether you want to or not.

Everyone and everything around you will put this choice on you.

So remember, do you want to do a lot of things good? Or do you want to be great at less?