You Don't Need Fair, You Need More of This

Epictetus, born a Roman slave wrote, “Who then is invincible? The one who cannot be upset by anything outside their reasoned choice.”

After President Ulysses S. Grant left the Oval Office, he found financial success for the first time, in his life. His son had grown close to a rising young Wall Street star, Ferdinand Ward, acclaimed the “Young Napoleon of Finance.” Led by Ward’s financial talent, Grant became part of a partnership he was confident would provide a comfortable living for the remainder of his life. By all accounts, Wall Street believed this to be true as well.

But his confidence in this financial windfall would eventually become a nightmare. What Ward was doing at the time, would later have a name — Ponzi scheme. And just like that, seemingly overnight, Grant would lose his fortune, be publicly humiliated, and find himself even worse off financially than before. 

Here was Grant, former 2-term President and hero of the Civil War, in financial shambles.

To make matters worse, shortly after this publicly humiliating financial gaffe, Grant would be diagnosed with terminal cancer.

With his family in financial ruin, his health fading quickly, and concerned over his wife’s financial future after he passed, he finally wrote and sold his memoirs practically on his deathbed. A man who seemed to rise up in the darkest moments for his country, perhaps his greatest strength, called on that resolve one last time.

There’s nothing just or fair about Grant’s final days.

You give your life to your country, for its greatest cause, and hope to retire in peace and modest financial comfort, and now you’re handed a death sentence while you're publicly humiliated over someone else’s crime.

An unfortunate and cruel twist of fate.

And yet there is so much we can learn from Grant’s resolve. His courage. Determination. Willingness to meet the obstacle head-on. Most of all, his fortitude—a virtue that seems forgotten so often in today’s world.

We all experience misfortune, humiliation, hard times and seemingly unfair and unjust events. This is part of the human experience. 

Hopefully, none of us will ever be in the same seat President Grant found himself in, at the twilight of his life.

Still, it doesn’t hurt to cultivate this same nature within, when things go wrong, things go against us, and we suffer setbacks. Life will inevitably place us in undesirable situations — want it or not, big and small — and it’s our response that will determine the true outcome of our situation. 

Not how we judge it or feel about it.

You’re passed over for the promotion because of office politics. You get cut off in traffic or skipped in line at the grocery store. Your plane is delayed. Policies change, leaving you on the short side of the stick. Your client leaves over a misunderstanding that you’ve tried to explain the best you can. The procedure didn’t work so it’s back to the medical drawing board.

Everyday circumstances, nobody wants to encounter, but can never escape.

And yet it seems the new playbook on these matters is to wish, hope, and complain in vain for our reality to be different. Draining the precious resources we have — time and energy.

To stand on the sidelines of life, complaining about the roulette wheel of “fairness” won’t get you anywhere. It’s idle. It lacks intention or worthwhile action. Your circumstances won’t find more clarity by rehashing it over and over again.

Life can be hard. Cruel. Unforgiving.

But it’s in these moments your endurance is being tested, your fortitude confronted.

“Everybody gets knocked down,” said the NFL Hall of Fame coach Bill Walsh, “Knowing it will happen and what you must do when it does is the first step back.”

How will you respond?

Fortitude. 

A virtue forgotten in these modern times. 

You won’t discover it on TikTok or Instagram. AI can’t help. No news outlet or politician will be your saving grace. 

Like all great virtues, it’s found in our history. You nor I would be here without it. It’s been practiced from the beginning, in the darkest hours.

It’s timeless yet seems so distant these days.

In our current age of “that’s not fair” or “we were cheated” or “it’s their fault” it feels more distant than ever before. It’s easier to blame an outside force —real or not — than face reality and confront the fact things simply didn’t go your way. 

And heaven forbid, perhaps, we need to work harder…focus more…up our game…become more committed…adapt…come up with new strategies…develop a better mindset…find more efficiency and ingenuity. 

Use the obstacle to get better — not as an excuse.

“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal,” wrote Thomas Jefferson.

So how do you reach, down deep and find Fortitude, the lost virtue?

First, accept that there never were any guarantees and that your journey is full of challenges.

Expect the best, but only if you’re willing to face the worst…with courage, fearlessness, and the willingness to overcome what’s around every corner.

“Everyone has a plan: until they get punched in the face,” said boxer Mike Tyson.

Build a mindset that is prepared to face life's unavoidable moments of discomfort with resolve, no matter what you face, big or small.

Second, face challenges with hope, enthusiasm, and the will to want to defeat them…not coward down to them.

The great German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche believed human greatness is found through amor fati—a love of fate. 

“That one wants nothing to be different, not forward, not backwards, not in all eternity,” said Nietzsche, “Not merely bear what is necessary, still less conceal it...but love it.”

Nobody wants to lose out on jobs they deserve or experience unfair slights or find themselves in a tough financial situation because of how the markets behaved — or worse, suffer from some unspeakable loss. 

“Love” might be too strong for everything. But to embrace it, with strength, knowing that which you don’t allow to break you, only makes you stronger, is worth pursuing.

Choosing to face it with the wind behind your back is more powerful than running uphill into the wind.

Fortitude is what you will need every step of the way.

Now. 

Later.

Forever.