41 Things I Learned (Mostly) The Hard Way

A few years ago, I started sitting down around my birthday and doing an audit of what had transpired in the past year of my life. I highly recommend it to anyone, even if you don't put it out for public display.

A quote I think about as I mature, "The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing." (Socrates)

I want this quote to serve as direction for me. To have confidence in what you know is one thing. To lose sight of all you don't know is quite another.

Knowing, then recognizing where we might be blind or missing something or just plain ignorant, is worth more than charging through life fearful of being vulnerable to our lack of knowledge.

We now live in a world where we simultaneously have no excuses not to learn whatever skill we seek and a low entry barrier for so-called experts to spread their knowledge.

So, I find more strength and humility in admitting I'm a work in progress--always have been, always will be.

It's been a powerful year in my life and one I'm confident I will look back on with gratitude for the growth I experienced. I'm grateful for that and all the lessons I learned this year.

Here are 41 things I've learned through reading and living, observations I've collected, and mostly (if not all) lessons I've learned the hard way.

Love without grace is just a transactional relationship.

If you have a loving marriage, healthy children, and good health…these are the best years of your life or, as your grandpa said, "the good ole days." Savor every moment of it.

Live in the gain, not the gap. Recognize your progress, how far you've come, and what you have. You'll never be happy if you keep comparing yourself to where you should be in life.

I don't know much in the grand scheme of things. That's why I write, read, journal, think, take long walks, and pray. I seek wisdom. Not poorly constructed opinions hot off the press.

10X Life Hack: Knowing exactly what you want in life. A startling number of people (even successful) wander through life, hoping for more clarity on what they want from their lives.

Words that need to be used more often: "no thank you," "delete," "unsubscribe," and "off." It's becoming critical by the day that we focus more on what we deprioritize than what we prioritize.

The time leading up to the "hard thing" seems more painful than the actual time in the "hard thing." Something to consider before your next big life obstacle, day on the calendar you're dreading, or uncomfortable conversation.

Determine the things that mean the very most to you and invest in them daily, forever. It's worth it, even if the progress is slower than you desire.

Knowledge without discernment is empty memorization.

Stop waiting for permission to become exactly what you know deep down you're supposed to become.

Everyone has a level of leadership that they are responsible for, and it's an ongoing process, not just a race to a position. And it starts with yourself. You never "arrive." You have to keep earning it. Even…NO! ESPECIALLY after you get the title.

If you find yourself in a huddle that you've lost confidence in…maybe it's time to start Quarterbacking your own huddle.

"Stay informed" is a marketing tactic past-their-prime executives use to get ratings, stuff their pockets, and sell their political affiliations' most recent agenda. It has absolutely nothing to do with improving your well-being or quality of life.

If someone shows you their true colors, believe them. It's no excuse to give up on them, lose hope, or lose your kindness. But few people actually change. It takes a lot of work.

There are 2 "compasses" that drive any level of leadership: fear or love. One demands, one earns. Anything in between is simply misguided (or delusional).

Winston Churchill said, "A man is about as big as the things that make him angry." I try to think about this quote when I'm mumbling to myself about the TV remote not working or when the Raiders give up another touchdown.

How smart you are only matters if you have: self-awareness, humility, kindness, patience, and a moral code.

It's okay to want what you want. There are always naysayers, haters, and pessimistic people willing to throw rocks at your wants. And 99% of them don't even know what they want in life.

And usually, this is some burden or insecurity they carry, anyway. It's not your responsibility to assume that load for them. So don't.

There is only one happiness hack you need in life: Don't anchor an outcome to the intrinsic quality of your life.

It's true the grass isn't always greener on the other side. But it can be if you're willing to do the work necessary to make it greener.

If you could guarantee your success on a goal, lifestyle, or vision…would you still be doing what you are doing today? It's not perfect thinking. But perhaps you should rearrange some things?

Not exactly sure where I heard this, but it's good and I've thought about it a lot lately: You're born looking like your parents. You die looking like your habits. Exceptions, for sure, but something to consider.

Success, happiness, and peace of mind are really quite boring. But when you find all those things in life, in harmony, you don't need a 50-foot yacht, Lamborghini, or mansion in the Hamptons to have "fun."

Putting constraints, systems, rules, and discipline into our lives will always seem boring. But don't be short-sighted on the quality of life you will receive on the back end.

If you genuinely want to change the quality of your life, it starts with habits. But before you determine the best habits, decide the identity of who you wish to become. (Again: you have to know what you want.)

I've been a parent for over 4 years. I couldn't recommend it enough.

The world is so much less scary than we believe it is. There's far less evil in the world than the major media outlets will ever allow us to change our minds about or our tiny little brains to stop deceiving us.

I'm more concerned about all the parents who believe their child is an inconvenience than I am about the next President, gun rights, or global warming.

If you feel that strongly about your government, place of employment, or football team's decision-making… there are plenty of other options to consider in each domain. Just a thought.

I prefer to think about age this way: Today is the youngest I'll ever be. I prefer this over thinking about how I'm getting older or about the past that is long gone.

Sometimes in life, you have to consider climbing down the first mountain to climb up a bigger, better, and more suited-for-you 2nd mountain. Courage starts before the climb down. Fortitude gets you up the 2nd mountain.

If someone were to write a biography on your life, there would be some less-than-impressive chapters. And that's no different than every other biography (except one) ever published from the beginning of time.

Money, image, status, and even wisdom don't mean a darn thing without love. Without love, "I am nothing."

My favorite quote I found this year comes from Keanu Reeves, "I'm at the stage of my life where I keep myself out of arguments. Even if you tell me 1 + 1 = 5, you're absolutely correct, enjoy."

It's not your job to correct the world of its wrongdoings. Save your energy.

I still think journaling and reading unlock a future you can't fathom.

Consider this the next time you’re all riled up about something: Will this matter in 5 minutes? 5 hours? 5 days? 5 months? 5 years?

One thing I’m certain about this next year…I’ve got a lot to learn.

Thanks for reading!

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