This Is 40...

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I remember the day I turned 20 thinking that I had my whole life ahead of me, and I was starting to understand this 'adult' and 'living in the real world.'

Well, 20 years later, after hundreds of hard lessons, I can tell you that that 20-year-old didn't know much. And as I enter my next stage of life, what wisdom I have attained tells me this 40-year-old still has a lot to learn.

As I've described 40 lately: I'm not old yet, but I'm not young anymore. The future of endless possibilities and time, I felt at 20, has been replaced with a mortgage and some far too often heartburn.

Still, I find more joy and excitement than ever before. I'm excited to wake up each morning to a dream, a future, and a family that blesses me daily. And that keeps me feeling young enough.

But, I would be remiss not to recognize this pivotal birthday for what it is and embrace it with wisdom. As those great Green Day lyrics go,

Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go

So make the best of this test, and don't ask why

It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

So not yet old, no longer young, is how I see it.

I'm accepting that I'm growing older, not fighting it. I am choosing to Age on Offense. Embrace the beauty of the years piled up without regret or sorrow. Enjoy exactly where I am. Embrace fate. Amor Fati.

With that, here are 40 lessons I wish I'd had the insight at 20 to know.

Measure Your Success Backwards

You can waste a lot of time measuring your life to where you want to be, but it's not all that helpful. Measure against how far you've come, take your gains, and keep moving forward.

Prioritize Your Health…NOW

Good energy levels, maintaining a healthy weight, and staying ahead of health issues are easier to prevent than fight back. Diet and exercise are easier to develop than forced change. Exercising more, eating more veggies, drinking more water, and getting more sleep fixes many problems.

Do Hard Things

If you see something that looks like you'd like to try it, but the challenge of it is holding you back, that's a sign to lean into it and get it done. You're given the strength to do hard things, don't skip out on that.

Fail More Inside the Arena

Don't sit on the sidelines and talk about things that would be cool to pursue. Just get inside the arena and compete with yourself. You'll never regret this.

Be Skeptical of Things That Don't Optimize Your Life

There's nothing wrong with having some fun from time to time, but like anything, take it in moderation. Many things in life don't really improve your life and are disguised as 'fun.'

Focus on the Process, Not Results

It seems cliche, especially in sports. But it's true and the only true path to being great at anything. Work the process, and let the results take care of themselves.

Read More AND Apply

Reading shouldn't be a status symbol or vanity metric. Reading is a commitment to living your best life, not a bragging right.

Don't Be Afraid to Declare You True Dreams

When I was 12 years old, I wanted to be a writer. It took me over 20 years to finally claim it. I have zero accomplishments as a writer, but every day I get to write is a good day. If you want to be something, go for it, and never look back at what people say about you. You get one life, and it's yours.

Start Journaling

Nobody is flawless. But the man (or woman) who is unwilling to sit down in some quiet time and get raw and honest with who they are, where they struggle, and what needs fixing…well, good luck with that.

You Can't Change People

It's not your job, nor can you accomplish it. Never stop encouraging change through your actions, but lose the expectations. It's out of your hands.

Get Good at Trusting Your Instinct and Intuition

It takes some time and patience but eventually, you develop this skill, which shouldn't be ignored. Ignoring it will take you in the wrong direction.

Everyone Else is Trying to Figure This Thing Out Too

The people you look up to have issues, experienced struggles, and have to figure stuff out. Hell, they still are. Be kind to yourself, and be confident. You got what it takes.

You'll Have to Answer for Your Youth. Just Keep That In Mind

Someday you will have kids or a change of heart or get a little wiser. Keep that in mind… that's all I'm saying.

If It Doesn't Feel Like It's Worth Chasing, Don't Chase It

There are a million ways to go in life, opportunities to explore, and situations that look exciting. If it is in the wrong direction, don't hesitate to turn back at any point.

Just Start

Preparation and analysis are great things. But when it becomes a repeating circle, it's time to start.

Consistency is a Virtue

Every person I've admired in my life, close up or from a distance, has one thing in common: consistency. The more you see success in life, the more you become convinced that brilliance is an attractive and exotic word for being insanely consistent—chase consistency. Perhaps you'll find brilliance.

Avoid the News

You'll find out if information essential to living needs to be found. The news has a straightforward strategy: to turn your day upside down emotionally. Remember, two industries have no vested interest in your happiness: media and government.

Learn to be Present

The moment is the only thing you truly own. Savor it. Enjoy it.

You Don't Have to be Right

As a recovering debater (my wife would say I fall off the wagon a lot), it's rarely worth pointing out when someone is wrong in casual conversation. No matter how strong the urge, the boost for your ego, or the annoying thought that someone would say something so undeniably wrong—when google could reveal the truth in 5 seconds. Let it go.

Your Energy On The Room Matters

Try to be a plus, at the least a neutral. But don't be negative. Nobody wants to be around that, no matter how much you think you're entitled to the feeling.

Be 'You'

Never stop studying the greats. Model their best stuff, learn all you can and mash it together to be you. There's no better way to avoid competition in life than by just being you. Nobody can compete with that.

Do More of The Things You Won't Regret

A great day is full of things you don't regret. Stacking great days build great lives. Do more of what you never regret.

Stop Thinking About What They Think

First, they aren't thinking about you as much as you think. Second, if they are, let that be their problem, not yours.

Have a Plan. You Can Change it Later

Don't drift in life. It can easily turn into several cycles through the calendar. Have a plan for your life—set goals. Pursue visions. Adjust if you must, but start somewhere.

Don't Make Excuses a Habit

Excuses are always readily available. Make it a habit not to allow them in your head. It will increase your mental toughness by 75% immediately.

Go For Walks and Go To Bed

99% of the problems rattling around in your head will be resolved or provided a better perspective with a walk and/or a good night's rest. Double down on these things.

Create Some Rules For Your Life

You don't need 100. You don't need 25. But if you want a great life, it will require some constraints. Start with 5 that you know you can crush.

Focus on Your Habits

Your habits become your life–good or bad.

Fortitude Forever

Life is hard. Sometimes, it's really freaking hard. But when you train those muscles to keep getting up, you start realizing that every time you get up, you get stronger, not weaker. Build fortitude.

Never Compare Yourself

They have problems too, and might even be worse than yours. Always look inward, not outward.

Don't Worry About The Things You Can't Change

It's the most liberating feeling in the world. Those who don't learn this lesson make life a thousand times harder on themselves and those around them.

There Are Two Economies: Money and Time.

We are taught to operate in the money economy, where 99% of the world resides. But if you dare to live in the time economy, you'll find far more joy, happiness, satisfaction, and success—despite what they sell you.

It's Not About Winning & Losing

Little league is over, champ. You won't win every round. Saying sorry isn't losing. It's called owning your character. You're also going to experience some situations where nobody wins, and you got to have the guts to be the one who takes the loss and falls on the sword, if that's how you see it, for the greater good. It's not being taken advantage of. It's love. It's life. Put your pride and ego aside.

Tame Your Ego Around Every Corner

Do you think you don't have an ego? Think again. Everyone does, and it's a matter of taming it judiciously. If you still think you are the special one without an ego...chances are you have drastically underestimated your biggest weakness.

Be The Most Humbled In the Room

The one who thinks they're the smartest one in the room rarely is. The one who is humbled probably is.

Focus On Your Character, Not Your Reputation

Your character is the most important part of who you are. Its work will take care of itself. Your reputation is a manmade thing you don't have full control over.

Don't Play Games You Don't Care About Winning

Someone always has a more incredible job, more money, and a bigger house. Focus on what you want in your own life, what brings you personal satisfaction, and on mastering yourself.

Conventional Isn't Perfect

Think outside that box. Have a rebellious streak. If you're suspicious, don't buy it. You don't have to be what the world wants you to be. You can be what's calling you.

Double Down On Your Strengths

Don't turn a blind eye to your weaknesses, but when you have true strengths, double down, heck, triple down on them. It's a pretty powerful way to improve your success in life.

Break The (Useless) Unwritten Rules

I'm not talking about breaking laws or openly disrespecting people. But there are unwritten rules, assumptions, and ideas in every industry or career path that have zero practical data to determine how one succeeds. Once you figure those out, break them. Because these things probably hold you back from an intentional life of success. Be bold.

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